This Is Us


Our Life, Our Story, Our Love…

Him – struggling at the cafe entrance, juggling his briefcase, newspaper and personal coffee mug. He had a cast in his left arm.

Her – on her early morning run for coffee before hitting the office. Ad Execs can be a tasking bunch. Java was her kryptonite.

She sees a bungling fella at the door, figures “let me do my good for the day”.

He thanked her.

She noticed him yet another morning. Same personalized coffee mug, muffin and cookbook. Strikes up a convo. Friendship buds – instantaneously!

She wasn’t looking for love, she was open to the possibility.

He was just flirting. Chuckle…😊😊

Bonds grew stronger and bolder than either of them were willing to admit. The coffee shop their universe. The mornings their Havana.

They craved one another’s presences, it was almost intoxicating. Barely able to go an hour without speaking or texting.

These 2 would never fight about what music to play on a long road trip. Their tastes were in sync. What music she didn’t know, he introduced her to.

Their passion for extracurricular activities was like looking the other in a mirror and seeing a reflection of one’s self.

The openness and honesty they shared with disclosures exposed between them was beautiful to watch unfolding even for both of them.

Completing each others’ thoughts – mind blowing.

Who could argue, they didn’t belong together? No one! Not either of them.

The stars aligned. The Universe smiled. Their Love story only just started…

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Nigerian Men On Social Media


So…

I am sure ladies have received loads of unsolicited messages, links and pictures from my dear brothers from the Great country of Nigeria. Now this in itself could be harmless. We have heard of love stories being started as inbox ‘slide-ins’. This is not an article bashing sliding into ladies DMs, rather I would like to tackle how my brothers slide in, make their intentions know and then the shaming they exhibit when rejection greets them.

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The above picture is from my previous post on Social Media “Netiquette” click the link for details on that.

For starters, when you slide into a lady’s DM and your modus operandi is to start an argument or proceed to finish one you initiated on her page, in the hopes of getting into a conversation with her. This may work for you, but I can guarantee you it is not successful at all times. Now if the lady is like me, she’ll probably give you a learning opportunity to right their wrong as backgrounds and up-bringing are very different. I give folks the benefit of the doubt to learn something new in their dealings with fellow humans, right? 🙂

Nah, Una too dey fall my hand!!! I’ll cite a scenario:

So ol’ boy started on lady’s public page asking inciting questions, as a good girl, babe politely responds in inbox, explaining why that question did not get a response. Conversation ensues, seems like dude got the gist and they sort of came to  a compromise. Keep in mind, babe let it be known to dude that she doesn’t really respond to inbox messages.

Well, dude voices his interest in babe, which she politely declined. Dude stays persistent, sending daily messages. Babe ignores them.

Dude then wakes up one lovely morning deciding to call babe appalling, undignified, uncalled-for names. Babe responds casually, trying to give him an opportunity for redress, beht Dude decides to go as low as possible. Babe sends an inbox stating her displeasure with his bringing negative vibes to a  positive post on her profile wall. Still giving him the benefit for redress.

My brothers like to be stubborn and packed with Ego, now keep in mind not all Nigerian men act this way. I have met a great number of proper gentlemen over social media, formed friendships over the years without ever laying eye on them. I would say this new crop of social media bullies should take a leaf off from my brothers that are representing chivalry over the internets. 🙂

See Bros, when a lady turns down your offer for a relationship, especially if you are connecting with her through social media, take it like a gentleman!!! First off, how do start conversing with a lady and in less that 140 characters, you’re already professing undying love for her? How??? Am I that old school? Is this how the kids do it nowadays???

OK! Say, at the strike of cupid, you find her attractive, slow ya roll!!! Get to know the said lady! Become actual friends. What does she like/dislike? Favorite color, food, numbers? Dreams, Aspirations Goals? Is she family oriented? Does she want kids? Where does she see herself in 5/10/20 years? Jeez!!! Do some Adulting! Take her out on a date, heck! Take her on many dates!!! Now, if your working with a distance, what are your plans to see her?

For you to think, at initial social media connection, you have a right to her time or attention and when you don’t get it, this gives you permission to go ape-shit on her, dude!!! You got another think coming!!!

That is not the way to curry the favor of a lady.

Learn what it means to be a Gentleman, and NO! Being a gentleman, is not just about opening doors, kissing the forehead or being able to put 30 billion in her account. I am sure these guys have gentlemen examples in their lives. Sit down with them, ask how things are done. If your Ego won’t let you ask, you can at least watch them from afar and emulate these etiquettes.

Give it a shot and you might actually snag the next girl you slide into her DM 😉

Shout out to Brothas who know how to be GENTLEMEN. I see y’all…

 

 

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As always, Moby Sugar.

Love is ALL.

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Get It Together…


I was initially going to hide behind a mask and say the posts I had put up on SM this early morning were not a reflection of my heart. Say, because I talk about Love & Relationships, the posts were totally random. As my morning moved on with work roles and appointments, I knew I couldn’t keep the ruse up. 

I have laid my heart and life down as an example for anyone to gain encouragement and love, knowing someone out there could get some sort of healing from my heart’s journey…
The lyrics to the song inserted is my very soul…

Loved you for 18 years now. The purest, realest, deepest and most innocent form of love. The one person who knows all my secrets, my joys and pains. The past 15 years have been used chasing your ghost away from haunting me. 

I thought I had gotten a reign over my emotions, I thought I had moved on from the pain of not being with you. I believed I did, maybe I just pushed them away-didnt want to deal…

Kept it inside

Didn’t tell no one else

Didn’t even want to admit to yourself 

Every relationship after you has been one ruse after another. Mostly self sabotaged as I found myself using what we shared as a yardstick. I even got married thinking that will be the final event to help me get over you. Well…that turned to be a disaster and not even because of sabotage. I actually tried to fight for that marriage because I couldn’t face another failure. I loved him…to an extent. 

In all these years, we kept in touch. You got married, beautiful kids. Our friendship remained. I honored your new life. Did I wish that was me sharing your life? Daily, 😳 but I quickly pushed the thoughts away. What good was it? I told you about every guy I met because you know-gist😜 

I had grown to see you as my bro, your family mine and mine, yours. The ease we share in communication is unbelievable. No dull moment between us. Then…

4am call from you today and for the first time since we’ve been apart emotionally you spoke words that opened an unexpected deluge. I was totally taken by surprised!

Get it together Moby!!!

How a soul has a hold on another soul baffles me. Folks say Soul Mates is crap. Nothing like a TwinFlame to singe the heart!!!

And now your chest burns 

And your back aches

From 15 years of holding the pain


This life is full of choices, to live or die, to give or take, or just fly…

I want to fly, into the arms of love knowing I won’t crash land. 

These emotions come as next week would have been my 8th year Wedding Anniversary. What a Wawu! What a timing??

I don’t know what tomorrow holds but I choose to own my emotions and writing to me has always been carthatic. Seated by the lake and taking in the sight of the water, barely any ripples. I longed for a love as calm as the waters. Occasional ripples here and there but nothing significant to break the water away from its base or shore. The lake is still in one piece. 1…

I sighted a lone lady standing at the dock, packing up her fishing gear. I asked if she wouldn’t mind taking some pictures of me gazing into the lake. She obliged me and we got talking. I told her a little of my heart state and she said to me, “todays talk was probably the closure you needed to spring forth into your new life!”

Looking forward to a new chapter in my life! With tears I thanked her and she hugged me. Thanks again Mz K 😘

I know I have experienced love, I have equally known pain from losing that love. However like the word says to “encourage yourself” I’m choosing to do just that. Am I currently healed? E easy? Lol… But I’m owning my heart. The tears and the joys all of it. I’m living my truth! I have spent years pushing away my feelings and not being bold about matters of the heart. Super Woman that I am, always having things under control!

Now I say,  let the tears  fall! I am not ashamed of this pain anymore. Even as they fall, may they wash away the anguish my soul feels. Unleashing me to new adventures.

 To a life lived fully!

I stay permanently in love

TO FLY…


Song lyrics in italics: “Get it together” by India Arie



Moby Sugar April 2017



Song link below:

https://youtu.be/QpiWkSa19eI

Video

Social Media “Netiquette”


Hmmm…

My people, where do I start from? It is a pleasure making y’all’s acquaintance but bikonu…we need to hold a class!

Topic: Netiquette (internet etiquette)

First off, do not get deluded by the profile pictures of ladies or gentlemen on social media, it is a well researched and known fact that folks put up their best pics, with the the sun shining just right and smiles that are perfect. 

If you’re like me, to get that perfect pic, definitely a few pics must have been taken prior, then thanks to filters-properly enhanced, before it sees the light of day aka social media. 

If you were to jam me on a Thursday morning on my way to work, you best believe I ain’t looking like my pics only if I feel like it😂😂
Now, that said, I have a question oooh…why the sudden increase in male facebook “adders”? No ooh…I’m not complaining ooh…just curious nii 😜😜😜😂😂😂

Any-which-way, as we head into the new year, please consider these points:

Facebook as a Case Study…

  • Hello bae, hi beautiful, what’s up sexy and all the likes-inbox messages are a major NO NO to new folks added to your friends list ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON’T KNOW THEM PERSONALLY!
  • Video calling/chatting…a NO NO as well…see the first point again. That’s how I felt my phone vibrating today only for me to look at it….facebook video call, from a new “adder”, as in just added earlier in the day oooh!!! Are you kidding me? Its 10am!! I’m in a meeting! 
  •  Thou shalt not tag folks on pictures/posts that do not concern them. If I ain’t in the picture, don’t tag me talking about “you were with Moby” nibo??? Where?
  • If you want to interact badly, do it on a friends post keeping in mind to keep with the posts topic not some random “Hello/Hi again. See the first point…again!
  • Not everyone on social media is looking for love or a lover, some are just gist masters like me. Let’s gist…if along the line interest forms-on a mutual level, then let’s take it inbox.
  • Thou shalt not ask for phone numbers or expect phone numbers to be dropped either. Do I look like the yellow or white pages? See point 1 again😋😋
  • Familiarize yourself with your friends locale and time zones(at least I try to do the same) actually scratch this if you are new friends, but if your friendship has entered inbox tinz, keep this in mind. While you are saying good evening to someone 7000 miles away it maybe good morning or even midnight to such folks. Waking up at 2am to the ping of a phone ain’t fun especially if you’re an “unknown friend”.
  • Thou shalt not reply a post in all CAPS!! Stop shouting!!! It is very rude! You can still state your opinion in lower case letters 😋

Yes we know our world is getting smaller via the internet and it would be great if we can still have our individual bubbles to chill in. However keep in mind that when you interact with folks physically, your internet “bad habits” are not displayed so why do you think its ok to display that on social media?

These are not hard and fast rules by no means, these are mine. Think on these things and feel free to add your own “Netiquettes” 
Moby Sugar signing out of 2016 ☺☺☺

Life is like a song..



We all know Etta Jame’s song “At Last”. 

I realise that I’ve associated certain songs to certain relationships. And when said relationships went south, I terribly loathed the songs that were “our songs”. I couldn’t bare to listen to such songs as the heartbreak from such relationships was just not what I wanted to relive. 

Somehow along the years, this fear of painful nostalgia disappeared. Is this what folks call growing up?? Getting over a heartbreak or did I develop a thick skin or build walls in my heart so I don’t feel these things??

“At last” was the song I walked into the church at my wedding. Looking back my reasons were very silly…

-As in finally Moby done marry ooh!!😂😂

-As in the the best lady won…for my mind 😂😂

-As in officially and correctly gbenshing without asking for forgiveness or feeling guilty…God have mercy on my college days 😂😜😒😒

-As in no more dodging pregnancy outta wedlock

-As in….😂😂😂

Songs from Joe, Tyrese, Isley Bros, Maxwell, Al Green, Grover Washington etc…hmm…songs that enhance…hmm🙈🙈 Nah….couldn’t listen to them. Especially as these songs circled one particular Mr Somborri 😂😂😂 

It’s funny now when I hear these songs…I smile and think about the memories I’ll share with another soul but it scares me…will these be new memories really or will there be an overlap?? 

Will I be thinking of old flames in relation to these songs with current booski or will the memories be entirely truly new and centered on new booski??? 
Help!!! 😂😂😂

Pic grabbed from google biko😜😜

I Am Female…not an “afterthought”


Female subjugation is rife in the African community no doubt, however when folks decide to use any form of religion to perpetrate this line of thought to a vulnerable crowd, some voices won’t be quieted. 

Few may recall when I gave an account of a minister that told me the reason I was “misbehaving” (because I was speaking “my” mind) was due to the fact that I was single. Saying if I had a man, I would consult him first on my words before spewing them out…hmm ok!

Now, its that a man is the master of a woman! Ok then!

Since we want to use the bible to back up our thoughts that this is as a reason of woman being created last in the order of creation and thus makes her an “afterthought” I totally and absolutely refuse to accept this! 

In the beginning God… Genesis 1-3 gives account on how God went about in populating the earth. As much as some may debate “the big bang theory” its not the topic of discourse today 😜😜

If we are going to use these biblical words to declare the “afterthoughtedness” of woman…biko Mr Man you are 6/7th past an afterthought!!! Matter of fact, you man should begin to bow down to all the animals roaming the earth and all fishes in the oceans. Call the firmaments(heaven) your masters. Infact call the Sun, moon and stars your ogas. 

Man, were made on the 7th day!! 7th day!!!

Now to you woman, I say…look at yourself in a mirror or anything that can reflect your physical self. Know this one thing…YOU ARE NOT AN AFTERTHOUGHT!!!

Matter of fact, on the days God created everything else, there is no account that he sanctified those days. However on the 7th day when God created man/woman with a “living soul”, Genesis 2 says “God blessed and sanctified the 7th day. On this sanctified day was when he decided to create woman. Pray tell me, why would God create woman as an afterthought when he gave man all these responsibilities of naming the previous creatures.

In my little mind, I can imagine the weight of these responsibilities on poor Adam to the point that God knew he needed Eve as a “help meet” for him. An afterthought…still? No!!!

I am woman! Phenomenal!! Needed, wanted, cherished and will damn well be appreciated!!! 
I AM NOT AN AFTERTHOUGHT!!! Fellow woman, repeat after me…😊😊

Moby Sugar

My Life, My Pain… His Love, My Gain


Have you ever felt so broken, dejected, shattered, frustrated to the point where your life and pain blinds you and all you can see is death by your own hands? I have! 

The weekend of November 13th was a weekend well planned by me. I knew I had to do the deed fast as an intervention was already in place and I wanted to save everyone the trouble of saving me. Folks were calling, texting and trying to get a hold of me to which I wasn’t responding. I had lost everything. I was beyond saving. Saturday, I dragged myself out of bed, hungry. I knew I had nothing to cook or eat except some rice a lovely lady had given me. So I put the rice in the rice cooker same lady had gifted me. 

I was typing out my goodbyes to my folks and siblings, friends and foes too. I had drafted them in my email as I had considered composing hand written suicide letters but my brain was drained and email was quicker as everyone would receive it at the same time. When they chose to open their emails and read the contents was at their own discretion but I would have been gone…or so I thought. 

I am my own worst critic, I am hard on myself, I analyse myself worse than my therapist would. So when I took stock of my life, my current situation and saw nothing but holes and failures I couldn’t deal. Growing up, I was always the top of my class. My birth month had always been a special month to me but I wasn’t looking forward to December this time around. There was nothing exciting about turning 37 with absolute Zilch to show for it. 

In this year, I became homeless, car-less, penniless and life was all pointless. 

Someone may say, “thats not bad enough for you to consider suicide”. True but for me it was. It was bad because in taking stock of my life, I realized I had always been the “big sister”, the “leaning shoulder”, the “great friend”, “awesome lover” and all that great stuff but I never had that back. I am always concerned about every other person welfare even as mine deteriorated. I felt I was doing good for mankind and maybe the sun will shine on me someday. 

That day never came. 

You see, I have been down this depressive state before, barely 2 years ago. A mini intervention took place and suicide was averted. When this new bout came around, I knew I had to isolate myself as good as possible to go through with my plans with no distractions. 

A friend had added me to a female group on Facebook that totally blew my mind with the realness the ladies on there expressed. In my dark state of mind, someone had spoken on suicide thoughts. I knew the ladies were being considerate in their responses and someone asked a question wanting to know the state of mind of a suicidal person to which I responded. My intention was to educate and not necessarily a cry for help. I had no idea how dark my thoughts were and how deep seated in my heart these thoughts were. 

A lot of the ladies there reached out, showered me with love I was not deserving. I was overwhelmed by all the love as I didn’t know what to do with it. I was used to giving out love and that only seemed normal for me. Apart from my familial love, I had never experienced real love from any other person that didn’t have a noose at the end of such love. It seemed folks meant well in giving their love but when I wasn’t the person they tried to mould me into being, such love was withdrawn. As a result of this, I had learnt to build a wall around me, not wanting to be too drawn into “people’s love”. It felt safer and I got to still love and respect them from a distance. 

The love of these Facebook ladies scared the crap out of me and I decided to keep my thoughts in my head. And was no longer active on Facebook all together. I quit my radio show because I felt I would be a fraud talking about relationship matters when my heart was in dark place. 

The year had started ok, I was introduced to a guy in Canada and we were getting close for a bit, then distance and the walls I built came into play and I had no will in me to fight to make it work.

My rice was cooking and I heard the staff talking to someone at the door and my name was called. I was livid because this same person had been to my job the day before wanting to talk with me as I was absent from church for a few weeks. I wasn’t in the mood to be preached to or encouraged that “it was darkest before the morning” or that “my miracles were on the way” or that Abraham and Sarah waited till their 90’s before having their child”. Abeg, I knew all the phrases of “encouragement”, I dished them out on a regular. It seemed to help folks I had the opportunity to counsel. For me …. Nada!!

He said we should go hang out somewhere and I said nope, then I relented on one condition that I wasn’t in the mood to go to church or Pastors place. No! We went to a music store in St Paul that sold vinyls. It was a good time to experience music before taking my life, so I smiled. Then lunch. As this outing was taking place, Pastor and his wife called intermittently, both out of town but keeping tabs. He was ordered to take me to their place. I am without a car of my own, neither did I have a dime to my name. To leg it from that part of town would have been excruciatingly painful as winter winds had descended. So I was stuck!

In my outpour on Facebook, an old friend I went to college with introduced me to the teachings of Joseph Prince. I listened to his YouTube videos for days. I received his words as they were real and cutting to the soul with no condemnation. I could listen to him and get a glimpse of hope. Being at my Pastors house with his wife and kids, I knew I couldn’t get that same feeling. Not because they were insensitive or not knowledgeable but these were my people!!! 

Africans believe feeling suicidal is a demonic attack. 

I felt I knew the direction the conversations would go so I was guarded. My demeanor was very guarded and my responses monotonous. I just didn’t want religion! I’m glad I wasn’t given any of that which was a pleasant surprise. Some urgent situations were taken care of instead and as I prepared to take a shower before going to bed, in my pocket was an envelope of meds I had put aside to use to knock me out for life after eating my rice. 

These past few months have been really trying. Being at my wits end. I was done. The cycle needed to be over. The pain gone! 

He said, NOT YET!
As hard as these months have been, my therapist said give love a chance. God’s love from every other person to me has been overwhelming!!! I still don’t know what to do with it. I’m slowly learning to accept it. I’m accepting to say, no, I’m not ok, I’m broke. I’m accepting to have my loaned van’s gas weekly gassed up by someone else. I’m accepting to being fed by someone else. I’m accepting to being clothed by someone else. I’m accepting to being loved!!! I’m accepting that I am not Jesus so all the loving shouldn’t be from me alone. 

Even in my pain, I’m learning that God still loves this knuckle head!!!

His love being shed abroad in the hearts of other has been my Gain!!!

I’m glad I’m alive to celebrate today, my day of birth, in his love alone! 

I’m mostly glad to have y’all celebrate life and not death with me. 

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