Unlearning…


“Not good enough”
“Second best”
“An option”
“Left behind”

Monikers I’ve become familiar with.

I made jokes while much younger.
“I was practising for the role”
Didn’t realize it would become a self-fulfilling premise.

Looking back,
Always found myself in triad relationships.
The other lady.
The main chic.

😂

Survival of the fittest.
May the best lady win.
Even got married on this folly,
A drama wrought period.

Settled into the role.
Wore my crown squarely.
Stayed in my lane.
With a sweet smile, took the pain.

Abandonment Schema –
The fear of getting too close, due to past hurt.
Dependence Schema –
Overprotected and sheltered.

Thrown into life,
No proper tools.
Banned from forming deep connections.

Found freedom, bungled up connections.
The familiar – competition,
Survival was the game.

The longing to have mine,
Always nagged, tugged.
When close enough,
Sabotage was an easy escape.

Sitting here, with all this love
What to do with it all?
Who to share it with?

Unlearning to relearn…

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I cry a lot now…


Emotions raw, all over the place
Can’t even put it to words
Let the tears be my words
Heart breaking all over again

Promised never to be this broken
Put everything in place to protect myself
My walls as high as Babylon
Then you happened

We danced and sang
Talked to the stars
Swayed in the wind like trees
Us was a beautiful dream

Waking up realizing the nightmare
A quagmire and ruse
Gasping for air
Release comes in waves of tears

I cry a lot now…

This Is Us


Our Life, Our Story, Our Love…

Him – struggling at the cafe entrance, juggling his briefcase, newspaper and personal coffee mug. He had a cast in his left arm.

Her – on her early morning run for coffee before hitting the office. Ad Execs can be a tasking bunch. Java was her kryptonite.

She sees a bungling fella at the door, figures “let me do my good for the day”.

He thanked her.

She noticed him yet another morning. Same personalized coffee mug, muffin and cookbook. Strikes up a convo. Friendship buds – instantaneously!

She wasn’t looking for love, she was open to the possibility.

He was just flirting. Chuckle…😊😊

Bonds grew stronger and bolder than either of them were willing to admit. The coffee shop their universe. The mornings their Havana.

They craved one another’s presences, it was almost intoxicating. Barely able to go an hour without speaking or texting.

These 2 would never fight about what music to play on a long road trip. Their tastes were in sync. What music she didn’t know, he introduced her to.

Their passion for extracurricular activities was like looking the other in a mirror and seeing a reflection of one’s self.

The openness and honesty they shared with disclosures exposed between them was beautiful to watch unfolding even for both of them.

Completing each others’ thoughts – mind blowing.

Who could argue, they didn’t belong together? No one! Not either of them.

The stars aligned. The Universe smiled. Their Love story only just started…

Nigerian Men On Social Media


So…

I am sure ladies have received loads of unsolicited messages, links and pictures from my dear brothers from the Great country of Nigeria. Now this in itself could be harmless. We have heard of love stories being started as inbox ‘slide-ins’. This is not an article bashing sliding into ladies DMs, rather I would like to tackle how my brothers slide in, make their intentions know and then the shaming they exhibit when rejection greets them.

wp-1483080594523.jpg

The above picture is from my previous post on Social Media “Netiquette” click the link for details on that.

For starters, when you slide into a lady’s DM and your modus operandi is to start an argument or proceed to finish one you initiated on her page, in the hopes of getting into a conversation with her. This may work for you, but I can guarantee you it is not successful at all times. Now if the lady is like me, she’ll probably give you a learning opportunity to right their wrong as backgrounds and up-bringing are very different. I give folks the benefit of the doubt to learn something new in their dealings with fellow humans, right? 🙂

Nah, Una too dey fall my hand!!! I’ll cite a scenario:

So ol’ boy started on lady’s public page asking inciting questions, as a good girl, babe politely responds in inbox, explaining why that question did not get a response. Conversation ensues, seems like dude got the gist and they sort of came to  a compromise. Keep in mind, babe let it be known to dude that she doesn’t really respond to inbox messages.

Well, dude voices his interest in babe, which she politely declined. Dude stays persistent, sending daily messages. Babe ignores them.

Dude then wakes up one lovely morning deciding to call babe appalling, undignified, uncalled-for names. Babe responds casually, trying to give him an opportunity for redress, beht Dude decides to go as low as possible. Babe sends an inbox stating her displeasure with his bringing negative vibes to a  positive post on her profile wall. Still giving him the benefit for redress.

My brothers like to be stubborn and packed with Ego, now keep in mind not all Nigerian men act this way. I have met a great number of proper gentlemen over social media, formed friendships over the years without ever laying eye on them. I would say this new crop of social media bullies should take a leaf off from my brothers that are representing chivalry over the internets. 🙂

See Bros, when a lady turns down your offer for a relationship, especially if you are connecting with her through social media, take it like a gentleman!!! First off, how do start conversing with a lady and in less that 140 characters, you’re already professing undying love for her? How??? Am I that old school? Is this how the kids do it nowadays???

OK! Say, at the strike of cupid, you find her attractive, slow ya roll!!! Get to know the said lady! Become actual friends. What does she like/dislike? Favorite color, food, numbers? Dreams, Aspirations Goals? Is she family oriented? Does she want kids? Where does she see herself in 5/10/20 years? Jeez!!! Do some Adulting! Take her out on a date, heck! Take her on many dates!!! Now, if your working with a distance, what are your plans to see her?

For you to think, at initial social media connection, you have a right to her time or attention and when you don’t get it, this gives you permission to go ape-shit on her, dude!!! You got another think coming!!!

That is not the way to curry the favor of a lady.

Learn what it means to be a Gentleman, and NO! Being a gentleman, is not just about opening doors, kissing the forehead or being able to put 30 billion in her account. I am sure these guys have gentlemen examples in their lives. Sit down with them, ask how things are done. If your Ego won’t let you ask, you can at least watch them from afar and emulate these etiquettes.

Give it a shot and you might actually snag the next girl you slide into her DM 😉

Shout out to Brothas who know how to be GENTLEMEN. I see y’all…

 

 

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As always, Moby Sugar.

Love is ALL.

Image

Get It Together…


I was initially going to hide behind a mask and say the posts I had put up on SM this early morning were not a reflection of my heart. Say, because I talk about Love & Relationships, the posts were totally random. As my morning moved on with work roles and appointments, I knew I couldn’t keep the ruse up. 

I have laid my heart and life down as an example for anyone to gain encouragement and love, knowing someone out there could get some sort of healing from my heart’s journey…
The lyrics to the song inserted is my very soul…

Loved you for 18 years now. The purest, realest, deepest and most innocent form of love. The one person who knows all my secrets, my joys and pains. The past 15 years have been used chasing your ghost away from haunting me. 

I thought I had gotten a reign over my emotions, I thought I had moved on from the pain of not being with you. I believed I did, maybe I just pushed them away-didnt want to deal…

Kept it inside

Didn’t tell no one else

Didn’t even want to admit to yourself 

Every relationship after you has been one ruse after another. Mostly self sabotaged as I found myself using what we shared as a yardstick. I even got married thinking that will be the final event to help me get over you. Well…that turned to be a disaster and not even because of sabotage. I actually tried to fight for that marriage because I couldn’t face another failure. I loved him…to an extent. 

In all these years, we kept in touch. You got married, beautiful kids. Our friendship remained. I honored your new life. Did I wish that was me sharing your life? Daily, 😳 but I quickly pushed the thoughts away. What good was it? I told you about every guy I met because you know-gist😜 

I had grown to see you as my bro, your family mine and mine, yours. The ease we share in communication is unbelievable. No dull moment between us. Then…

4am call from you today and for the first time since we’ve been apart emotionally you spoke words that opened an unexpected deluge. I was totally taken by surprised!

Get it together Moby!!!

How a soul has a hold on another soul baffles me. Folks say Soul Mates is crap. Nothing like a TwinFlame to singe the heart!!!

And now your chest burns 

And your back aches

From 15 years of holding the pain


This life is full of choices, to live or die, to give or take, or just fly…

I want to fly, into the arms of love knowing I won’t crash land. 

These emotions come as next week would have been my 8th year Wedding Anniversary. What a Wawu! What a timing??

I don’t know what tomorrow holds but I choose to own my emotions and writing to me has always been carthatic. Seated by the lake and taking in the sight of the water, barely any ripples. I longed for a love as calm as the waters. Occasional ripples here and there but nothing significant to break the water away from its base or shore. The lake is still in one piece. 1…

I sighted a lone lady standing at the dock, packing up her fishing gear. I asked if she wouldn’t mind taking some pictures of me gazing into the lake. She obliged me and we got talking. I told her a little of my heart state and she said to me, “todays talk was probably the closure you needed to spring forth into your new life!”

Looking forward to a new chapter in my life! With tears I thanked her and she hugged me. Thanks again Mz K 😘

I know I have experienced love, I have equally known pain from losing that love. However like the word says to “encourage yourself” I’m choosing to do just that. Am I currently healed? E easy? Lol… But I’m owning my heart. The tears and the joys all of it. I’m living my truth! I have spent years pushing away my feelings and not being bold about matters of the heart. Super Woman that I am, always having things under control!

Now I say,  let the tears  fall! I am not ashamed of this pain anymore. Even as they fall, may they wash away the anguish my soul feels. Unleashing me to new adventures.

 To a life lived fully!

I stay permanently in love

TO FLY…


Song lyrics in italics: “Get it together” by India Arie



Moby Sugar April 2017



Song link below:

https://youtu.be/QpiWkSa19eI

Video

Social Media “Netiquette”


Hmmm…

My people, where do I start from? It is a pleasure making y’all’s acquaintance but bikonu…we need to hold a class!

Topic: Netiquette (internet etiquette)

First off, do not get deluded by the profile pictures of ladies or gentlemen on social media, it is a well researched and known fact that folks put up their best pics, with the the sun shining just right and smiles that are perfect. 

If you’re like me, to get that perfect pic, definitely a few pics must have been taken prior, then thanks to filters-properly enhanced, before it sees the light of day aka social media. 

If you were to jam me on a Thursday morning on my way to work, you best believe I ain’t looking like my pics only if I feel like it😂😂
Now, that said, I have a question oooh…why the sudden increase in male facebook “adders”? No ooh…I’m not complaining ooh…just curious nii 😜😜😜😂😂😂

Any-which-way, as we head into the new year, please consider these points:

Facebook as a Case Study…

  • Hello bae, hi beautiful, what’s up sexy and all the likes-inbox messages are a major NO NO to new folks added to your friends list ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON’T KNOW THEM PERSONALLY!
  • Video calling/chatting…a NO NO as well…see the first point again. That’s how I felt my phone vibrating today only for me to look at it….facebook video call, from a new “adder”, as in just added earlier in the day oooh!!! Are you kidding me? Its 10am!! I’m in a meeting! 
  •  Thou shalt not tag folks on pictures/posts that do not concern them. If I ain’t in the picture, don’t tag me talking about “you were with Moby” nibo??? Where?
  • If you want to interact badly, do it on a friends post keeping in mind to keep with the posts topic not some random “Hello/Hi again. See the first point…again!
  • Not everyone on social media is looking for love or a lover, some are just gist masters like me. Let’s gist…if along the line interest forms-on a mutual level, then let’s take it inbox.
  • Thou shalt not ask for phone numbers or expect phone numbers to be dropped either. Do I look like the yellow or white pages? See point 1 again😋😋
  • Familiarize yourself with your friends locale and time zones(at least I try to do the same) actually scratch this if you are new friends, but if your friendship has entered inbox tinz, keep this in mind. While you are saying good evening to someone 7000 miles away it maybe good morning or even midnight to such folks. Waking up at 2am to the ping of a phone ain’t fun especially if you’re an “unknown friend”.
  • Thou shalt not reply a post in all CAPS!! Stop shouting!!! It is very rude! You can still state your opinion in lower case letters 😋

Yes we know our world is getting smaller via the internet and it would be great if we can still have our individual bubbles to chill in. However keep in mind that when you interact with folks physically, your internet “bad habits” are not displayed so why do you think its ok to display that on social media?

These are not hard and fast rules by no means, these are mine. Think on these things and feel free to add your own “Netiquettes” 
Moby Sugar signing out of 2016 ☺☺☺

Life is like a song..



We all know Etta Jame’s song “At Last”. 

I realise that I’ve associated certain songs to certain relationships. And when said relationships went south, I terribly loathed the songs that were “our songs”. I couldn’t bare to listen to such songs as the heartbreak from such relationships was just not what I wanted to relive. 

Somehow along the years, this fear of painful nostalgia disappeared. Is this what folks call growing up?? Getting over a heartbreak or did I develop a thick skin or build walls in my heart so I don’t feel these things??

“At last” was the song I walked into the church at my wedding. Looking back my reasons were very silly…

-As in finally Moby done marry ooh!!😂😂

-As in the the best lady won…for my mind 😂😂

-As in officially and correctly gbenshing without asking for forgiveness or feeling guilty…God have mercy on my college days 😂😜😒😒

-As in no more dodging pregnancy outta wedlock

-As in….😂😂😂

Songs from Joe, Tyrese, Isley Bros, Maxwell, Al Green, Grover Washington etc…hmm…songs that enhance…hmm🙈🙈 Nah….couldn’t listen to them. Especially as these songs circled one particular Mr Somborri 😂😂😂 

It’s funny now when I hear these songs…I smile and think about the memories I’ll share with another soul but it scares me…will these be new memories really or will there be an overlap?? 

Will I be thinking of old flames in relation to these songs with current booski or will the memories be entirely truly new and centered on new booski??? 
Help!!! 😂😂😂

Pic grabbed from google biko😜😜

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